The feeling of dying

Have you wonder what it felt like dying?

Even though I think I am ready to die, when dying actually happens, while my mind is calm, my body reacts in panic. It feels unsettling, but it feels as though I’m watching myself from a tv.

I think I’m more prepared now after getting a little taste. But the little taste I have is really nothing compare to the real thing. Even now, I don’t know how my body will react, but I already have the muscle memory for it now so it shouldn’t be much worse.

Being able to use yourself as a shield from bullets require a little bit luck. I mean bullets are pretty fast. It’s like defending a penalty kick, you need to commit to blocking one side or another.

I wish I meet someone that’s my type of crazy.

Yeah, I’m kinda crazy.

It’s been a while, n I should be writing something else….

I am supposed to be writing an astonishing scene right now for my playwriting class. It is pretty easy, but I would actually have to use my imagination. I’ll do it as soon as I finish this post. Writing about what I actually want to write is more enjoyable than having to write stuff that people want me to write.

Anyways, it’s been a long time since I’ve really posted anything. It doesn’t mean my brain stopped working. It just means that I have been unable to get what has been on my mind in an organized form in which I can put it into English words that is comprehensible to the general public, which in this case would be you the reader, if anyone is reading at all.

Has it been 1 week or 2 weeks since I’ve last posted up a real post? I think I forgot the reason why I started to post blogs in the first place.

So many times, I start something, but I forget the reason why I start that something. I guess this post will be about this weakness of mine.

For some reason, I can get really fired up about something. I would be like “Hell Yeah Let’s do it” and some how get distracted and lost the original purpose of what I wanted to do. And so what I wanted to do from the beginning often turn into things that I do not want to do. This expands more past than what I want to do, this goes into what I want in life, what my goals are, what I want to eat, what I want to plan, what I want to write.

Originally, when I logged on to wordpress, I really have no idea what to write about. All I remember is that I should write something, even if it’s crap, since it’s how people become better writers, and I want to become a better writer.

My lack of self-discipline and many distractions + responsibilities dragged me out of blogging for a little bit. Ionno how long this roller coaster ride will keep on going. It’s been going on for a while. For now, I can blog for a little while until I get distracted again, like everything else I do apparently.

This experience again reminds me of how unfocused I am(Is this the word for it?). This is actually pretty sad really. I wanted to write something here again, but I don’t really feel like saying that stuff directly, especially when I’m pretty tired. So I’ll just write some words and if anyone can figure out them meaning behind these words, good for you. If you can’t, just make up some story with these words that will soon follow.

Heart

Freedom

Sake

Tri/Rec/Hexagon,etc

Breaking 없어

Change

Boom

Wall

Step

Then…

Time to go go go

 

Maybe I should try to finish a story that I started in the summer. The original idea for it was great, but I’ve been reading too many narratives and academic writing, so I forgot how dialogues go. I’ll have to do some research before I can start writing… Now good luck to me, cuz I’ll probably put it off because there will always be something else to do. Like making a mix or playing HoN or making Shin Ramyun or do my laundry.

Who am I right now? The past makes me who I am. What about now? The decisions and choices I will have is very confusing. If anyone wants to pray for me, please do. I want to be able to love more. If I really learn to love, I would be able to use that love to focus on what needs to be done, on who needs to be loved, on what my priorities should be.

I really have to finish my scenario, so I’ll go. Later