Limits?

Today I had a real funky dream. I was in a classroom building, I’m assuming I was in class for something. As I’m exiting the building, someone’s face from my high school appeared and asked me, “Hey are you going to Stanford?” As I’m dreaming, I thought “What? Stanford? Do people really think I’m that smart? I know it’s a dream, I’ll go along with the story.”  So I replied, “Nah I’m going to the community college to take some more classes, save some money.” So I exited out, it was raining. I remember someone and wanted to offer her a ride because I remembered her as a baby so I want to be the good sunbae, but decided against it because it’s too easy for me to lead her on, and I remembered she had a purple umbrella earlier on the day. Then I went to the parking lot, trying to look for my car. I remember it was at the side, but I don’t know how far I parked it. I kept looking for it, but there are lots of red cars, and they’re all Honda, so I got really confused. They all look like my car, especially the ghetto car with a missing rear bumper. But my car was not there.

So I walked in the rain without an umbrella, It became dark, and I walked down the alleyway and then I heard bang and some flash. I thought it was like some kind of electric saw but then I realized, someone was shooting at me. I think I got shot somewhere, but I didn’t feel it because it was a dream. I ran and I kept looking for my car. Then I woke up.

 

Maybe this blog will become my dream diary one day. As my life ends I will come back and read upon the many things I dreamed about.

One thought of the day, I think I was never pushed to my limits, because if I was pushed to my limits, I would be able to see it by now. There are some ways why this can be: one is I have no limits, two is as I am growing, the limits keep growing, and I haven’t been nearing it, three is I’ve already been to my limit and I didn’t realize it, but I kept growing and I see more free space for me to grow.

It makes sense because it is shown IQ and EQ and whatever quotient used to measure a person’s ability or inability can be improved upon and changed throughout a person’s lifetime.

How do I know I am right though? This is all a figment of my imagination. I am merely hypothesizing based on what I have learned and observed. I would want to do research on this but I am not exactly a psychology major nor have any one curiously enough to find out these types of things. Utility and function are what people who want to make money seek, not random speculations from a random blogger.

Dear reader, what are your limits? How do you know they are real limits and not yourself constraining yourself? How can you trust yourself? How do you know what is right and what is wrong? (I know my own answer to these questions. These are for people to ponder and be creative with)

 

My dream today

I had some kind of dream with a vampire family that’s auspiciously similar to the one in Twilight. I notice a connection between that story and the Gu Family Book. In both stories, the characters are mythical creatures and supposedly live forever, therefore they are able to amass a grand amount of wealth. 

This leads to the thought of the day: Do people want to live longer to gain wealth or do people want to gain wealth to live longer? Why do people want longevity? 

Some things I thought of is because people have an innate fear of losing everything, although it doesn’t really make sense because babies were born with nothing: even if there is nothing, it would still “break even”; you can’t go less than nothing. 

Something less than nothing, can it be possible? Its existence would make sense if people are afraid of something less than nothing. 

Arithmetically speaking, If we observe a number line, there are positive numbers, and then 0, and then there are negatives, and everything in between is infinite. The possibility exists. It’s just “something less than nothing” is not something clearly tangible while we are still living. 

So I’ll stop there before I stop living, as a favor to those who read this to continue to write random ideas.

Next

I haven’t been writing as much lately due to lack of time and other priorities.

My life has gotten much more interesting lately. I can’t neither say if it’s good nor bad, because it really depends on perspective.

“Bad” situations doesn’t really seem to be bad. I became numb to worry because while having these unfortunate situations, I am constantly reminded “God is with me” by little things that seems insignificant to the outside observer.

And so I fix my eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal, living 2 Corinthians 4:18.

Having bad situations makes me more appreciative of the good things I have. Though I may not see the whole picture, I don’t need to see it because I already know.

It’s akin to shooting a basketball and start walking back because I know I made it without needing to see it.

Intuition.

Oh I had another moment where reality happened as I dreamed it. I dreamt about being in a conference and reading a book and reading about the speakers, I read that book last thursday, same color, same style. In my dream, I knew Francis Chan was speaking there as well, and he is there in reality, in fact he probably finished speaking just about now, because he was speaking in 10:00 am.

Those deja vu moments.. I wonder what dreams I have will come true?

What’s next?

Gonna nap on it

A short journey (?)

What is life that it should last a long time?

I really think I almost died by cake. It’s that easy. I wonder if I will die anytime now.

Choking on cake instilled a fear I had not known, fear of not able to breath. And death by cake is not something I would’ve liked or even thought of.. I’m glad it’s kind of over, but my fleshly body still has survival mode on (feel like I’m on the verge of hyperventilating). Even when I know where I will go, my body fights against it.

I’m pretty sure people will say nice things at my funeral. I would like it to be not too gloomy though. If I die, I want people to be happy for me. People will be sad, it’s only natural, but I’ll be with Jesus and that’s everything. I would want to die without noticing the process of dying. The process is a little uncomfortable, kind of just want to skip it n fast forward to the good part. But maybe I’ll come back if you do put me on life support, and I may be able to tell real cool stories when I get back, instead of regular cool stories.

I really don’t have anything to pass to anyone. I suppose I can start writing my will, although I have no witness or any lawyer, this will be a good guideline if I die tomorrow.

I started writing it, and then I thought some things are too personal to put it here, so I think I would write individual letters and put it to my Google doc in a folder called My Will. If I die, it’ll be useful, of I don’t, I have something to look at as I get older. I don’t know if I can do everything tonight. I did drink a big coffee, so…

I still wish I could have done a little more, a little more fishing, spend a little more time with people, maybe get a girlfriend? A wife? Children maybe? Or at least get a chance to say something about what I ________ (I don’t know what word to put, it’s a feeling but it’s not, it’s like me being me but it’s towards someone). Or it’s actually better if I take it to the grave. All the secrets are belong to me. Hue hue hue. I am positive I will always want to do more even if I die 60 years in the future, I’m more positive I’ll forget all these after I meet Jesus.

Phillipians 1:21 To live is to Christ and to die is to gain.

I can totally see what Paul was gong through. Just when I thought I had it figured out God teaches me more deeply. As if that God sinks me into a ocean of truth enveloping me to the blunt of this reality: the conflict between staying in this world and being with Jesus. 

There is also the desire of the fleshly mind and body top stay alive and keep awareness and sensations in this world of atoms. The fact is our perception of reality is limited to the reality we are in. We cannot make up something we cannot see existing in our world, but we may be able to find and see clues of something not of this world of atoms. If we are to say there need to be empirical proof, then I’m going to need empirical proof whoever is actually reading this exists, or someone that exists, not just a figment of my imagination.

I do have a present to give to someone if I stay alive long enough. I didn’t wrap it yet, so I doubt anyone will know where it is or even know if it’s a gift. So good luck to that person.

Then there’s the kids that in tutoring, not sure if anyone can replace me. My pride says. Well, I haven’t seen anyone come close to being similar to me so… My logic says. I’m pretty sure God can use my absence for something greater than having my presence on Earth. Reminded by the HS.

I do really want to write a book or two, but as I started, I realize what a mess it is without a roadmap. And so I wanted to read more and see more clearly the picture I want to draw. Not even 1% is firm, it’s all in pencil. Maybe I will live long enough to finish it? Maybe I’ll be like Mozart, love the way he writes his music.
I do want to go to sleep, not like dying sleep but sleep sleep. But I think caffeine kicked in and will last for a while. And I just got a cramp in my toe…

I’m actually writing all this on my bed, because I still don’t feel well enough to sit upright.

I do think I’m doing better, but what I think may just be an illusion.

What would my epitaph be? I want to make up something cool but I’m having a writer’s block moment right now..

“later” “Hin Lun Mak lies here does not” “Death by cake ez” “my cool story starts another chapter” “one does not simply stay on earth” “not sure if alive or alive”

So now my right foot toe cramps… Almost expecting my heart to cramp…
Or the roof to fall on me
Or a plane crash into my room
Or random assassin shank me
Or I stop breathing randomly
Etc…

Be creative and think about the possibilities! Be it death or life.

Don’t follow limited people and things, but follow the Everlasting God.

I do hope people consider why they believe what they believe: test it, because there might be a wall you put blocking the inconvenient Truth.

Be honest to yourself at the very least.

I do hope I wake up tomorrow. If I don’t, good bye, hopefully I’ll see you.

I am pretty tired, but that caffeine… *$3%&*7*$5%!3&’8:%#@%&-“^¶¢¢^π®£π×{¶| ••ππ÷°×=×°÷¶

Wants to go pee…

I had a dream last night and some people got me really mad I chucked a chair and broke a huge glass window because those people wanted me to do something I see no value in and is against my very existence. I woke up pretty mad.. The anger went away but it does concern me why I feel the way I feel.

Time to bust out the dream dictionary huehuehue..