A weird answer

Now we know what weird means.

Supernatural + Unearthly

I prayed to God “Help me die to myself so I can be made new, help me to be holy, I don’t exactly understand it, let me realize it with my whole body”

I didn’t exactly realize it from then, but I guess it makes sense now I think about it.

I’ve been feeling like dying for about a month now, like choking to death.

I don’t really know why, and I still don’t, but it doesn’t matter much.

What matters is I think this is a way for God to set me apart, to make me holy.

I went to the doctor because it’s been for a long time, and that day it was just unbearable, I had trouble breathing.

They had a Ear Nose Throat specialist see me, and he sticked a scope up my nose all the way down to my throat to check if there was anything stuck there, looks like it was acid reflux.

What that means is, if I eat spicy food, fried, CAFFEINE, citrus, vinegar & similar acidic foods, I would feel like dying. Moreover, I can’t eat late night.

There goes my plan to gain weight

Well I did wish I would never become fat when I was like 3,4 years old, God is faithful 🙂

And I’m thinking God is using this to make me to another level of new creation, shedding away more of my flesh away.

I think I can still eat those things sometimes, but just not too much. If I don’t get better in about a month, the doc told me to go back in and get an x-ray.

Well, I’m kinda ready to die too, I even wrote a will (because it felt that bad) and gave the key to the will to the executor I appointed.

This constant feeling of dying made me thought about death a lot. I think I was still a little unsettled with dying before this whole experience, but now I’m totally ready. It’s going to be a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t stay uncomfortable for too long. I wasn’t ready for the uncomfortable part, but I am more ready than before now. I can live Philippians 1:21 much more fuller: To live is to Christ and to die is to gain.

I compare dying as walking on water to Jesus on a stormy day. The thunder is loud, the wind pushing me, the waves splashing me, the water is cold, yet I keep my eyes on Jesus.

There is this new song called Oceans by Hillsong United in their new album, the lyrics speak exactly what I want to say.

“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Yes I would like to walk on water + swim on land too. I’ll stick with barrel rolls in the sky.

Why?

Is this question “Why?” the most asked question of all time?

From childhood, people are curious: “Why?”

Well, “Why not?”

Growing up, I didn’t learn to ask why.

I learned to ask why not.

“Why not it be real?”

“Why not stay skinny forever?”

“Why not?”

When people ask “Why?” I think they are limiting themselves to the possibilities. 

Of course, it’s personal opinion and all.

There’s nothing I can do or say to convince people otherwise.

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Perspective depends on if the person can see or not.

What if a blind person, blind from birth, never know that he has eyes meant to see?

I think that’s what’s happened to most people now.

They are satisfied with living in blindness, thinking it is all that there is, darkness.

Instead of asking “why”, I call you out to ask “why not?” as well.

Why do you see things the way you see things?

Why do you see somethings as “good” and somethings as “bad”?

Why do you see evil in this world?

By seeing “evil”, you’re assuming there’s “good”.

So by what standard do you define “good”?

By what standard do you define “purposeful”?

If there are “purposeful” things, then there are “purposeless” things as well.

What do you see as “important”?

Is that really important?

And do you betray what you see as “good” and “purposeful” and “important”?

If you do, then by your own “standards”, you have absence of “good”.

Absence of good, is evil.

Just like cold is not the opposite of heat, but just the lack of heat.

Just like darkness is not the opposite of light, but just the lack of light.

Evil is the not the opposite of good, but just the lack of good.

So do whatever you would like.

If there is no justice in the world, do whatever you would like.

It’s pretty easy to get away with stuff.

But somehow, there is guilt still.

Why is there guilt?

Because the judgement is done.

Who?

Who judges a person?

The One who created the standards.

He who made us to run on Him as our fuel.

He who made everything good before the absence of good entered the world.

He who made the perfect laws of natural and supernatural world.

Why am I even writing this?

Why not?

Who will write this if not I?

Surely someone else can and/or will write something like this.

But no one will write it exactly like I do.

So I write.

Now back to the story.

Now mankind broken perfection of the world, so mankind would perish.

Yet, He who made the world, loves.

And through that love, He died, taking the form of human, meanwhile still being God.

And rose again, with his human body, so all mankind can rise again with Him.

So dead bones will be filled with life.

I must sleep now.

Why not pray and ask God to prove it to you?

It’s easy to look for what you like, but it’s harder to look for what it’s true. 

Why not question what you believe now?

I dare you to question.

Why not?

You don’t even need to say anything out loud.

Do it with your heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Weird criteria

Sometimes I wish there is someone who would provoke me to do thing I haven’t even imagined of.

Too many people are stuck in the trap of “normality”, or conformity, herd mentality.

I guess humans are wired like that; does that make me unhuman?

I am no one’s fan, no sports team, no celebrity. I see no role model, I only see bits and pieces of good things and take it, almost like an artist puts pieces together to create something new.

I guess that’s the reason why I’m weird. Or maybe I am not weird, it’s people who call me weird who’s weird.

What makes someone weird?

According to dictionary.com, weird means

1.

involving or suggesting the supernatural; unearthly or uncanny: a weird sound; weird lights.
2.

fantastic; bizarre: a weird getup.
I have to admit I am weird then, because I am definitely “unearthly”, meaning I don’t belong in this world.
What is your identity? Where is your citizenship?
When people see me, they see me possibly as Chinese/Japanese/Korean.
When people see my passport, they see me as American.
But that’s just what people say, and it’s true I am those things, but these identities do not last.
My eternal identity is a child of God, citizen and heir of His Kingdom for all eternity.
Definitely unearthly.
I might as well put my criteria for a potential girl I may like, because I’m bored, and I want to write it out. Maybe people will understand why I still don’t have a girlfriend lol.
1. Doesn’t worry, trusting God is in total control, (and this can’t happen without knowing Jesus)
2. Expands my horizons instead of limiting it, saying “why not?” instead of “it’s impossible”.
3. Can stand up to my presence, someone who can kick my ass when my ass needs to be kicked.
4. a.) Skinnier than me b.) Completely okay with me skinnier than her
#1 already eliminates 99% of the girls I know..
Even without #1, #4 destroys candidates about most already.
Good luck to me..
God knows what I need.. so I wait..