A weird answer

Now we know what weird means.

Supernatural + Unearthly

I prayed to God “Help me die to myself so I can be made new, help me to be holy, I don’t exactly understand it, let me realize it with my whole body”

I didn’t exactly realize it from then, but I guess it makes sense now I think about it.

I’ve been feeling like dying for about a month now, like choking to death.

I don’t really know why, and I still don’t, but it doesn’t matter much.

What matters is I think this is a way for God to set me apart, to make me holy.

I went to the doctor because it’s been for a long time, and that day it was just unbearable, I had trouble breathing.

They had a Ear Nose Throat specialist see me, and he sticked a scope up my nose all the way down to my throat to check if there was anything stuck there, looks like it was acid reflux.

What that means is, if I eat spicy food, fried, CAFFEINE, citrus, vinegar & similar acidic foods, I would feel like dying. Moreover, I can’t eat late night.

There goes my plan to gain weight

Well I did wish I would never become fat when I was like 3,4 years old, God is faithful 🙂

And I’m thinking God is using this to make me to another level of new creation, shedding away more of my flesh away.

I think I can still eat those things sometimes, but just not too much. If I don’t get better in about a month, the doc told me to go back in and get an x-ray.

Well, I’m kinda ready to die too, I even wrote a will (because it felt that bad) and gave the key to the will to the executor I appointed.

This constant feeling of dying made me thought about death a lot. I think I was still a little unsettled with dying before this whole experience, but now I’m totally ready. It’s going to be a little uncomfortable, but it doesn’t stay uncomfortable for too long. I wasn’t ready for the uncomfortable part, but I am more ready than before now. I can live Philippians 1:21 much more fuller: To live is to Christ and to die is to gain.

I compare dying as walking on water to Jesus on a stormy day. The thunder is loud, the wind pushing me, the waves splashing me, the water is cold, yet I keep my eyes on Jesus.

There is this new song called Oceans by Hillsong United in their new album, the lyrics speak exactly what I want to say.

“Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)”

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Yes I would like to walk on water + swim on land too. I’ll stick with barrel rolls in the sky.