I think I’m sleeping a little too much lately. I wake up normally, but I fall back into a napping state going into dream states dreaming about having dreams and incepting my own self.
“I don’t have anything better to do this early.”
It’s true and not true at the same time. I don’t have anything better required of me. I do have somethings I could better do with my time, such as praying (though I do sometimes pray within my dreams, finishing some books I’m reading, writing a blog (or three), practice guitar/piano/violin, exercising my voice, do a new hairdo, cook + eat, continue writing book(s), etc…
I’m a little too comfortable, with the almost-death-by-cake, car battery dying, car almost get towed (or almost), choking on headphones, calling out I was gonna get pulled over (1 cop, 2 cop, me being the third pullover by a different cop) and getting off, etc… Everything draws me to Jesus. The uncomfort and the creativity of these events allowed by God made me more comfortable.
I’m almost expecting my engine to die in the middle of 17, or a satellite crashing into my room, or I get a random chronic disease. It would be good for me, I hope it will be good for people around me too. I wish for people to not worry about me. When people worry about me, it’s suffocating. People who worry desires what they think is best instead of submitting to what God knows is best. Worrying creates a conflict between the interest of self and God’s will.
This reminds me of this:
Matthew 16:21From that time Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised up on the third day.22Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You.”23But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.”
Likewise, people who worry becomes a stumbling block and something that suffocates me. What is pleasure? What is safety? What is security?
A secure income? Become what people tell me to? Get lots of certificates? “Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry?”
“But God said to him, ‘YOU FOOL! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’” Luke 12:19-20
When people ask me about what I want to do, I answer, “The better question is, what do I need to avoid doing.” I believe I can do anything I am created to do: definitely not math.
Now I did major in economics. This major did give me knowledge, but I think the more important part is how it gave me a new perspective on the world as I relate it to the Gospel. I can possibly write a book on this topic itself. I’ll use this as an example: Normally in an economic sense from the world’s perspective, it is much more beneficial to keep this idea to myself, but in an economic sense from the Gospel’s point of view, it is much better to have more people write about the same subject from different backgrounds and perspectives. The value system of the world value money + protection of copyrights + individualism. The value system of the Gospel is create disciples of Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth, to the ends of every nook and corner.
This is what I’m made for.
Of course I still have plans, but their success or failure depends on God.
Gotta sleep a little less.
Mak's Kitchen 