19% battery left

Let’s see what I can write with this much battery, kekeke.

Like most other times, I come to write without knowing what to write.

I only got back home about 20 minutes ago (7:30pm ish). And now I’m eating dinner as I’m writing this post. My average day is like today, being away from my house the whole day until night.

So what am I doing now? Why am I so occupied?

I intern at South Bay Church by day, and tutor K-12 by night. Lol the 14% battery warning just came on. It’s probably because I am eating too.

I am in a nice transitional phase right now.

Before I graduated, I actually thought I would just enter the workforce, do some SWOT analysis, marketing, stuff relevant to my major. Now I don’t really know what I’ll do with it. Sure it’s something I can do, but it may not be what I will do.

Similarly, for those who are still studying, what you study now gives you ability to do things other who didn’t study what you study cannot do, but that does not mean you will do what you study.

Although it seems now your goals are good, later on you may see there are greater things. Do not limit yourself by stressing yourself “I must do this or else I fail at life” No, there are surely greater things than these.

Is what you study now important? By all means YES. What you study becomes a part of you. In my case, I can see how studying economics affected my perception of everyday life. The cruel realities of life and the brokenness of the world, I understand much deeper than if I never majored in economics. I have to say I also have a artistic mind, although I do not have visual artistic talent, I picture my life as an artwork.

I’m down to 5% now.

Worrying does nothing to make things better. Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, something something from Philippians 3 or 4.

For those who never prayed, why not? There is nothing to lose. For those who are not praying as much as they want, why not? Just do or do not, there is no try.  I’m writing this to myself to keep me on my toes. So I will always remember to depend on God first.

And I’m done

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Listening in

I’m ignorant, not sure if consciously or subconsciously, hoping I’m reading too much into things. And many things have gone unnoticed because of this ignorance.

So when I notice something, it’s has to be something so real I cannot ignore it.

What I can’t ignore now is how people’s language change over time. I don’t know if anyone notice it or not. Even on TV, I can hear the subtle differences in how people pronounce their words. It is more pronounced in languages with difficult syllables and tones, like Chinese. There are some people who slur so much I can barely comprehend it, yet it is still Chinese, according to what the speaker of the languages believes.

 

It’s interesting how people thinks their way is the way it is supposed to be; their standard is the standard. What’s more interesting is the very same people, have “logical” justification to why they are right.

I put quotes on the word “logical” because what’s logical to one person may not be logical to another. Yet people fail to notice this, causing conflicts over who is right and who is wrong.

Even more interesting, people fail their own standards they impose on other people.

That’s it for observation of the day.

Morality requires faith on whatever values a person believes.

Anything which cannot be proven by empirical evidence, i.e. scientific method, requires faith.

It is almost similar to theory of relativity in social terms.

Now Einstein’s theory of relativity is Energy = Mass X Speed of Light ^2; what I’m proposing is there is a relativity between Faith = Knowledge X Influence, where knowledge can be either True or False, and while Influence is immeasurable. 

I don’t think there is a way to quantify “influence” into a number scale, so maybe there is another way to describe influence. Influence may be a starting point for faith, so it’s all jumbled up in my head….. argh

I’ll work on it some other time, but I do want to hear people’s thoughts about this.

People are really free to choose to have faith in what is true or false.

 

Thoughts about writing

I’m still trying to write a book or two.. But unfortunately, I don’t have as much time as I used to. And I still think what I wrote is crap, I keep seeing things I need to change, or delete, or add. Lol proofreading…

I also miss my nap times.

Maybe I’ll take one soon.

Today it’s an interesting day. Apparently power went out in the church building so I could work at home, if there is anything for me to do. So far, I haven’t heard anything yet. This gives me more time to meditate on the Word + to pray for people. I also get to catch up on some paperwork for the tutoring.

Anyways, I still need to get a pedal that works for my keyboard + tidy up my room a bit.

I think I’m a little too picky. I always see things that can be improved, like layout of my room, dynamics of certain music, texture of food, taste of water…

I wonder if it’s a good thing to be critical or just be more chill… I wish I have a physical role model but there is no one who can role model for everything. I’m almost like an artist, I am my own art work: I take bits and pieces of traits from people and combine it to me.

Life is pretty artsy stuff.

I will go nap now, since I’ve been writing this on my bed.

Wake up in an hour hopefully.

What is the meaning of life?

Some people hate the meaning of life, some people run away/ignore/laze away from it, some people love the meaning of life. There is no “moderate” approach.

When people met Jesus, some people hate Jesus, some people run away/ignore/laze away from Jesus, yet some people love Jesus. There is no “moderate” approach.

Coincidence?

There can never be empirical evidence the God exist or not; empirical evidence requires observation, yet we can never observe God tangibly. Statistically speaking, it’s a 50/50 chance of getting it right.

What about the elephant and the blind men? Everyone has a part of the main picture right? The problem is they are all blind and they do not know what the elephant really looks like. There has to be a truth, otherwise we humans would not be looking for it.

There will be truth, and everything else will be false.

50/50 chance.

So what now?

Of course we can put it off, life is too busy, I have to live first, etc…

One does not simply expect to wake up in the next morning.

Good luck?

 

Let’s see what happens

I am doing this experiment. Right now, I clicked “write post” without knowing what I wanted to write. This is the reason I’m writing what I’m writing right now.

Maybe it’ll be interesting to see my writing process in written form instead of in my head.

Now I explained myself what I am writing, I have to convince myself, no, not exactly convincing myself, but just do it as I go.

I am really typing non-sense right now. My thought process is really weird. It’s similar to a scattered plot diagram, I would put random dots (thoughts) and put them down. If I see anything that connects, I’ll try and see what picture comes out from it.

Like so, I wonder if I can really put all my thought process in here, because some of it does not make grammatical sense or

Ok, I’m not o going to backspace at all starting now, I don’t care if I ama make spelling mistakes. or grammar ones, if it makes sense, good, if it doesn’t, good luck? don’t judge me for my lack of clarity.

There are also moments when I blank out, and don’t know what exactly I want to type.

I see a cup.

Ok I’m back.

Moments I get distracted like now

I see cologne, and I don’t know why I wanted/began to tilt my head toward my sample sized armani colognes + one big one which I got randomly from someone who was doing a market research proejct who sold me for 20$. I bought that bottle because a girl said, a girl who I met randomly who I already know who is what I consider “an elder”, it smells good on me. That was the 2nd bottle of cologne I ever bought. It’s still a little over 1/3. it’s probably 3/8s.or 4/10? 2/5?

omg

fractions

no

stop

thinking

about

math

dying

slowly

runnnnnnnn

cup

i see a cup

a flashing cup

no I’m not sugar high or have any substance, this is really what I think about

I have a flashing cup I got as a souvenir from a restaurant from Hong Kong and it sits at my right hand side. It’s really pretty, so yeah. I can’t help looking at pretty things.

Shiny things

Things that stand out ot to me

People who stand out from others people to me

Unique people who stand out from others who try to imitate/fulfill other people’s desires of them.

Unique girls are who I like.

Lol

I’m going a dangerous point here

dangerous route

I will keep my promise to not backspace (althought I did backspace an “a” somewhere back there)

electrical tape

why did I ever even bought that

shouldn’t have bought it

oh wait

I did need it

I used to it omg my grammar fix my ue 700 and make the plug more stable

I still have that sports tape for fingers/small injuries

Man I miss playing sports.

There comes a time, for you young people who are younger than me, because I am forever 21 (or less) (or not) eventually I’ll not be 21 just maybe…

I don’t know what I’m writing

I hear clock ticking noises

erg

my head

I still do need to write down my will because you know never will die

when you know

when never you

you never know when

yes

you never know when you’re going to die

it’s good to have a will ready

makes it easier for people who are still on earth

man

i wish i have that ralph lauren black

or acqua di gio, the big one

i a only have sampler

what if i start typing in french?

qu’est-ce que je peux ecrier en francais?

comment je peux ecrier en francais?

est-ce que je ecris correcte?

j hope

j’ai oublie beaucoup de francais

je suis oublie beaucoup de francais quand je n’ai pas pratiquer le

jen’ai pas le pratiquer i meant

it’ll be funny if someone actually understand what i am saying/ thinking

I had another dream yestereday when i was taking a nap before going to eat with a friend, beacuse i was dead tired

it was a dream about land before time with dinosaurs

I’ve had that dream for a long time ago

Except I enhanced the story somehow, it’s like having my own movie in my head

time does move slower in dream.

I remember my dreams from long time ago, and I redream those dreams and enhance the stories.

weird

why am I w even writing

this is probably the crappiest writing i’ve ever wrote for a long time

May be woe one day I will become crazy and retarded and this is what i’ll do, type whatever i think

or i become mute

i hope i don’t become mute

it would be nice to be ta telepathic

easier for me to talk to people because making sense of what i want to say is pretty damn hard

why is that piece of paper there?

what do I do with those toys I used to play with

I think I gotta take off my contacts

Let’s just stop here fro for now

I’ve wrote a little too much for the unsuspecting readers.

It would be fun if people a can really read my mind.

Speaking really holds me back.

Writing takes too much time.

Music takes practice.

Dancing makes me sore + sweat.

lol why is commuunication so hard and so much trouble?

Prayer is so much easier. I can’t use my words, but God knows my heart.

Really, I feel like grunting more than speaking when I talk.

It’s so strenuous and lacking, yet it is the best humans can do, and I being a human can only do that much.

So thankful for the HS who speaks/mediates what my essence says. my being my soul self, that reality enveloped like water/ocean and that wetness that comes from the realization of reality.

what the heck did i just wrote. it’s too hard to explain it when im not really thinking too deeply and with all this interruptions

to fully explain what i just wrote i would have to think on a tangent and come back and go on another tangent and come back and have run ons and fancy cups and keys and other distractions

i really want to burp

it’s bothering me a lot

are is anyone still reading this?

lol

ok i’m done

Dat sleep

I think I’m sleeping a little too much lately. I wake up normally, but I fall back into a napping state going into dream states dreaming about having dreams and incepting my own self.

“I don’t have anything better to do this early.”

It’s true and not true at the same time. I don’t have anything better required of me. I do have somethings I could better do with my time, such as praying (though I do sometimes pray within my dreams, finishing some books I’m reading, writing a blog (or three), practice guitar/piano/violin, exercising my voice, do a new hairdo, cook + eat, continue writing book(s), etc…

I’m a little too comfortable, with the almost-death-by-cake, car battery dying, car almost get towed (or almost), choking on headphones, calling out I was gonna get pulled over (1 cop, 2 cop, me being the third pullover by a different cop) and getting off, etc… Everything draws me to Jesus. The uncomfort and the creativity of these events allowed by God made me more comfortable.

I’m almost expecting my engine to die in the middle of 17, or a satellite crashing into my room, or I get a random chronic disease. It would be good for me, I hope it will be good for people around me too. I wish for people to not worry about me. When people worry about me, it’s suffocating. People who worry desires what they think is best instead of submitting to what God knows is best. Worrying creates a conflict between the interest of self and God’s will.

This reminds me of this:

 Matthew 16:21From that time Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised up on the third day.22Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, “God forbid it, Lord! This shall never happen to You.”23But He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to Me; for you are not setting your mind on God’s interests, but man’s.”

Likewise, people who worry becomes a stumbling block and something that suffocates me. What is pleasure? What is safety? What is security?

A secure income? Become what people tell me to? Get lots of certificates? “Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry?”

“But God said to him, ‘YOU FOOL! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’” Luke 12:19-20

When people ask me about what I want to do, I answer, “The better question is, what do I need to avoid doing.” I believe I can do anything I am created to do: definitely not math.

Now I did major in economics. This major did give me knowledge, but I think the more important part is how it gave me a new perspective on the world as I relate it to the Gospel. I can possibly write a book on this topic itself. I’ll use this as an example: Normally in an economic sense from the world’s perspective, it is much more beneficial to keep this idea to myself, but in an economic sense from the Gospel’s point of view, it is much better to have more people write about the same subject from different backgrounds and perspectives. The value system of the world value money + protection of copyrights + individualism. The value system of the Gospel is create disciples of Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth, to the ends of every nook and corner.

This is what I’m made for.

Of course I still have plans, but their success or failure depends on God.

Gotta sleep a little less.