It’s been so long

Haven’t done a blog forever.

So it’s about time for Finals, I’ve been studying. So I’ll take a little break from all the number and theoretical theories/formulas and write something.

I think I miss writing, a lot. I never thought I would say this. I used to hate writing. But I guess there comes a time when I just want to write about random things. 

There was a time when I would just lie on my bed and think about things over and over again. Whatever that is in my head would stay in my brain. It will not go anywhere else. No one will ever see it. 

I don’t know why, I think writing helps me think better. When I lie on my bed, when I think, it is generally a mess of ideas and thoughts. It can be about people. It can be about the injustices that is going on. It can be about the future. It can be about wingstop. Whatever it is, that idea will be there for that time and for that time only. It’s almost like random access memory.

Now when I write, it is more like writing into a hard hard drive. It’s more solid. So I can see what I am actually thinking. What I write here right now is exactly as I am thinking. 

Now I’m thinking, if I write what I think, is it the same as when I talk?

I think not.

When I talk, it takes longer for me. When I write, I can easily backspace what I don’t want to be written, what I don’t want to be seen. But when I talk, when I say something, it cannot be taken back. Maybe this is why as time passed, I talk less and less. Honestly, there’s nothing much to talk about. I can talk about video games, so what? I can talk about food, so what? I feel so many conversations are meaningless. Why do people talk? For entertainment purposes? To feel accepted? Do I really need to talk at all? 

So I listened to this song called 4’33” by John Cage, an Avant-Garde musician/composer. I really think that song says a lot. For those of you haven’t heard it, look it up on Youtube.

What I learned from that song…. no, not what I learned, what I experienced when listening to that song gave me a feeling that I cannot describe. It made me think about why people communicate with each other? This is a question because I don’t exactly know what it made me think. I am confusing myself.

Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue. Proverbs 17:27

I think most of the things that people talk about, it’s meaningless, but then it’s just my opinion. Other people have other opinions. When I listen to people, the things they say feel so hollow to me. Is it because I don’t care about the things they say or is it because I don’t care about people?  I wonder which is it. When people complain to me, what can I do? It’s not like I’m a solution master. I have some options when this happens, either tell people to f*ck off, sincerely help them deal with their problem, or go “uh-huh”. Now the first option, it’s kind of erm… “unloving”, and would go against myself if I am serious about telling people to f*ck off. Now second option, if I have all the time and patience in the world, I would do that. Even if I do help people, people may not appreciate the effort and see me as an annoyance for prying in their affairs. Most of the time, I end up being the “Uh-huh”. Is there anything else I can do? 

By the way, this is not about people complaining to me, this is about meaningless talk.

And then there are the people who talks about people. What’s the point of that? When people talk about other people who are not in their presence, the content may either be positive or negative, that is usually categorized as “praising” or “gossip”. Now there is nothing wrong with positive comments on people, or is there? I am still thinking about it. For gossip, it’s obviously negative. That’s the reason why so many people, both common people and celebrities, hurt themselves, by hurting themselves I mean cutting themselves, depression, and suicide. Gossiping is so much more powerful now, because of the advent of Facebook, Twitter and the like. What is the point of gossiping? It’s pointless. No one likes to gossip, but when people talk indiscriminately, people will unwarily gossip about people. It may be people they dislike, it may be about something they speculate about someone, but these things gets blurted out and cannot be taken back.

What am I talking about now? Is what I am writing now meaningless when I should be studying for my Final on Monday?

Maybe in the spirit of 4’33”, I’ll publish a book similar to it: “Four Hundred and Thirty Three Pages” (Copyright pending Mak Hin Lun). Please don’t steal my idea. 

There are so many things I want to say, but saying those words will give birth to chaotic situations that I would prefer very much not to be in. If the right questions are asked, I will answer. Is there anything that I can talk about?

Bananas?

What can I talk about bananas?

Bananas are yellow, rich in potassium, and make a really good lunch/breakfast/dinner, when you are a poor college student.

It’s also one of my nicknames.

It’s also a derogatory term for Asians who are whitewashed, yellow on the outside, white in the inside, similar to twinkie, which has similar color pattern to a banana.

It’s also used to make people slip, but in reality, people don’t really slip on banana peels as often as people think, even without the use of kung fu (reference to Kung Fu soccer).

There’s also a song on banana being collected by workers in Jamaica who work day and night to fulfill their quota. The Banana Boat song, Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana Daylight come and me wan’ go home Daylight come and me wan’ go home. 

I should sing that song and post it up just for fun.

Now that gives me another question, what’s the purpose of singing? what’s the purpose of music?

Maybe people talk for the same reason I sing. To have fun. I shall talk about music next time I blog.